Friday, February 13, 2015

Unexpected Gratitude

The last thing I expected after surgery confirmed endometriosis and an endometrioma was to feel grateful for my body. I'm spent a long time feeling angry at and betrayed by the body that failed to support and nourish four of my children.

After my surgery, my doctor commented that he was surprised that I've been able to get pregnant due to the extent of endometriosis, and the presence of an endometrioma especially. At this thought, I felt an incredible sense of gratitude toward my body. I have low progesterone and had extensive endometriosis, both conditions which cause infertility. And yet my body was still able to achieve pregnancy. It wasn't able to sustain those pregnancies, but it fought against adverse conditions to even get as far as I did. My body is strong, a fighter.

I've also healed incredibly quickly and easily. Two weeks after the surgery, I feel almost 100% - still more tired than usual, the incision sites are a bit sore, and moving too quickly or carrying too much reminds me that my ab muscles are still healing.  But I'm basically back to normal.  In fact, I've been feeling this well for the past week.  Another reason to be grateful for the body God gave me.

I think the key to feeling this way is to not see my body as broken, but to see my body as being attacked by something outside - disease, injury, poor diet, environmental pollutants, etc. God did not create my body to have endometriosis or progesterone but something, somewhere along the way went wrong to provoke these conditions. In the Garden of Eden, the world before sin or suffering, my body would be perfect and whole. My body is not the enemy, but a victim.

The silver lining of multiple miscarriages and a surgery in less than a year and a half is that I almost always seem to have a beautiful bouquet of flowers around.

1 comment:

  1. I've been feeling that frustration against my own body for awhile. Lately, I've been fighting to get my weight down to my fertile weight. I have to change my diet pretty extremely and exercise unceasingly to drop any weight, so it's feeling like a battle against myself lately.