All is Well

I made this blog private a while back because anxiety was really getting to me. And any kind of online/social media anything just makes it so much worse. But, I've had a few ultrasounds and everything is going well and I'm starting to feel less panicky and more, well, pregnant. So here I am.

I don't have anything profound to say, but many people have been asking how I'm doing, so this is just an update. My bleeding stopped a few weeks ago and other than a brief episode of light bleeding and cramping earlier this week, it seems like that's no longer anything to worry about. I've been having all the normal pregnancy symptoms, which I am very thankful for though I certainly wouldn't mind if they were a little less extreme.  Nausea is a wonderful reminder that all is going well but throwing up many times per day doesn't seem necessary. 

I'm curious whether the nausea is so bad because I'm taking hCG shots and it's thought the hormone hCG is what causes morning sickness (so obviously, shooting up with additional amounts of it would seem to have that effect). Though I tend to be in the camp that attributes morning sickness to magnesium and/or other vitamin or mineral deficiencies, in which case it would make perfect sense that I'd be depleted given the five pregnancies in less than two years thing. I certainly feel like so many pregnancies, no matter how short, and postpartum periods in such a short time have left me a little disadvantaged. And I got pregnant a week after surgery, which probably took it's toll too.

My most recent ultrasound was on Wednesday and we saw a baby with a heartbeat waving around little arms and legs. So it seems like all is going well and it's a pretty typical pregnancy. It doesn't feel like a typical pregnancy after four losses, though I doubt any pregnancy will ever feel typical again, but it's just kind of surreal. To everyone else, it seems like I'm just having this normal pregnancy, and for me it's just so, so scary and strange and not normal. I'm the most pregnant I've been without miscarrying (since my daughter who was born at 41 weeks 1 days, so I have a long time before I'm the most pregnant I've ever been). Thankfully, it seems like the longer this pregnancy goes, the less anxious I get (though just incrementally less) and the more it starts to feel normal.

Oh, I guess I do have a bit of big news. We're moving back to Colorado in less than two months. It was a tough decision to make but we ultimately decided that we want to be back near family sooner rather than later.  The past few years have been tough without family to help us and I expect it will only get harder as we (hopefully) have more children or (hopefully not) have more miscarriages. The upcoming move has certainly given us something to focus on to get my mind of pregnancy concerns all day every day. (Instead I worry about David not finding a job! Which, while scary and stressful, is not nearly as scary and stressful as worrying about miscarrying again.) So, if you don't already have enough to pray about and you'd like to pray for our pregnancy and baby AND that David find a job, I'd be so very grateful.

Unrelated, but what I would like to be doing right now.