Thoughts One Month Later

My son is a month old now. He doesn't sleep more than two hours at a time, so I'm the most exhausted I've ever been. When he's awake, he cries a lot and needs to be held constantly so I can't get much done. The toilets and shower desperately need a scrubbing. Between leaking through 50% of the diapers he wears, spitting up frequently, and my own (breast milk) leakages, I just can't keep up with the laundry. My chronic back pain has been at its worst from bending over to change diapers and hunching over breastfeeding. I look incredibly frumpy with no time to get myself ready and very little clothes that fit. And...I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Two weeks after little Davey was born, David mentioned that I'd laughed more those two weeks than I had in the previous two years. That sounds about right. The past few years have been difficult. Aside from the grief of our losses and the depression that came with my pregnancy, we were struggling with a lot of fertility decisions - Do we try to conceive again? Should I have surgery? Do we need a break? Can I keep trying? Will we ever have a living child? What do we want to do? What is God asking us to do? It was incredibly stressful. And for the time being, that stress is lifted. We have the incredible joy of our baby boy and we don't have to think about fertility for a long while yet, so we can just enjoy this time.

Davey's One Month Photo